Managing Midlife Setbacks
There’s nothing worse than putting your heart and soul into being your best, into healing and being well, and then having days when you back slide and feel like garbage.
I’m someone who’s constantly and consistently healing from anxiety, sleep disturbance, and digestive distress. If I’m being honest, I’ve been dealing with these things since my teens. Only, when I hit 40 and moved beyond, it all seemed to get worse. Call it aging. Call it hormone disruption, Call it what you will. It was not fun.
I’ve spent years working on myself. I’ve walked miles on my healing journey and I wish I could say it’s been a smooth ride. You’ll see that’s not the case. Since my days of college, 24+ years ago, I’ve been researching, reading, learning, and implementing. In the 90’s it was antidepressants for a short period of time, a psychologist, and a low-fat high crap carb diet. When I went to graduate school in early 2000 it was the Atkins diet, exercise, and finding purpose. Married life and kids brought about more exercise, counselors, vegan for a short period of time, and supplements. I’ve done juice fasts (don’t recommend), detoxes, water fasts, and bone brothing. Which bring me to the present moment. I can finally say after all those years, I am healthier and more balanced than I’ve ever been. Functional medicine, hormone testing, gluten free and dairy free lifestyle with lots of good fats, work outs, and stress management with things like rebounding, journaling, meditation, and breath work have been a game changer. I sleep better, I go to the bathroom (sorry TMI), and the anxiety is kept in check. I’ve fought tooth and nail to get to the place I am in my life and my health. I know without a doubt that I am currently, by far, the best version of me. And yet…
I still have bad days. Sometimes it’s an entire bad week. There are still setbacks. I still occasionally struggle.
I just got done fighting a virus and I hit one of those times. It’s stress that started it. (Isn’t that always the way?) I was feeing really good, so I let some of my daily selfcare habits slide. I loosened the reigns on my stress management tools, and I slowly began to burn the candle at both ends. You can guess what happened next. I ended up sick. Then pushed myself way too hard through the sickness which led to horrible sleep, night sweats, exhaustion, and anxiety. I have nobody to blame but myself. But, if I’m being honest, we all have periods of weaknesses, all of our bodies have triggers, and sometimes we can hit a bump in the road through what seems like no fault of our own. Have you been there?
If you have, I want to encourage you not to be too hard on yourself and not to give up on the healing journey you’re on. Don’t let go of the goals that you’ve set for yourself. Learn from my mistake. Be gentle with yourself and don’t get too frustrated. (Literally, there were several times I was in tears these last few days.) Please remember that no matter how hard we work on ourselves and how many healthy lifestyle habits we adopt. There will always be a crappy time. That’s just life. Unfortunately, it’s never perfect. And, if you’re seeking perfection, I fear you will be sorely disappointed. But the good news is, there are things we can do to manage setbacks in midlife so we come out stronger on the other side.
1. REACH OUT- Talk to a trusted friend or family member. Very often, when we’re in the middle of a low time, we can’t get out of our own head. Negative self-talk and debilitating thoughts on repeat can wipe us out. Talking to someone, saying what’s on your mind, expressing your worries are great ways to get out of your own head and process what you’re struggling with. Plus, you’ll likely gain new perspective and maybe even get some great advice. The other night while laying in bed, I finally opened up to my husband and explained what was bothering me. He listened. We talked. We laughed a little. Then we went to sleep. It was the best night’s sleep I’d had in a long time.
2. REFOCUS- Flipping the script and changing your mind set is important. Ask yourself what you can learn from what you’re dealing with. Most of the time we come out on the other side of struggle stronger and healthier than before. But, it’s important to have perspective and remain positive.
3. REASSESS- Is there someone or something that’s playing a part, and can you set a boundary around it? For example, if I get busy at work and begin staying on my computer too late at night- slowly my sleep starts to suffer which snowballs to other health setbacks. Once I’m aware of what I’ve been doing, I can break the bad habit. Similarly, you could be spending too much time with a toxic or negative person. Reassess and determine if it’s time to slow the relationship or even cut ties altogether. Protecting your own physical and emotional health is imperative. We must be aware of bad habits or toxic people we’ve allowed to be too present in our lives, so we can take action against them.
4. Recalibrate- Now is the time to up your stress management game. When you hit a setback it’s not the time to stay down, stay in bed, and have a pity party. Are there tools you use that you’ve let slide? Are there new ways to manage stress that you can implement? For me, it’s back to basics with activities like more walks with my dogs, using a light box in the morning, extra breath work, and added stretching.
All of these things can help pull you out of a midlife set back more quickly. They’ll make you stronger and wiser than you were before the down swing. Most importantly, remember that mindset is everything. Don’t believe any lies you’re telling yourself. Believe and hold on to the truth. You’re not an imposter. You will get past this. This doesn’t negate all the hard work you’ve done in the past. You’re not a failure. You are healthy. You are strong. You are capable. Stay the course my friend. This is a blip in the radar and it will pass. Life isn’t perfect and it never will be. Setbacks are a given. The more you can accept it and roll with it, the quicker you’ll grow and the more vibrant you’ll be.