Do you need a new Purpose in Midlife?
“Where there is no vision, the people perish. “ - Proverbs 29:18
I’m about to tell you one of the saddest stories I’ve ever heard. This week I was talking to a patient who told me about a relative that had recently passed away. The story goes that this relative- a super hard working, loyal and giving soul who had had a long and successful career in public service- finally made it to her retirement in January of this year. Lo and behold, less than 60 days later, she passed away…of natural causes?
The patient was adamant that her relative had “retired herself to an early death.” Meaning, she had lost her sole purpose in life and without it she was depressed and lost and subsequently her health began to fail rather quickly.
It really hit home to me how important it is to have purpose at this stage of our lives, for our mental and physical health! It’s important at all stages of life but I think at this stage we’re especially vulnerable to losing our way and our purpose because our kids are growing up and becoming more independent. Many women experience a loss of identity and purpose and they don’t always understand what exactly is happening to them, only that they feel left with a void that they’re not sure how to fill.
It’s been said by the author James Addison that there are “three grand essentials to happiness in this life.” They are that each of us needs “something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.”
What is your something to do now that your role as Mom has been put on part-time or seasonal work only? What will be your new purpose in the coming years? Just so you know, it’s normal to have a few or even multiple purposes over the course of your life. If your kids leaving has you feeling utterly terrified, chances are you need to consider some other ways that you can contribute in addition to being there for your kids as they move on.
Why are you here and what are you meant for? It’s a tough question to answer but I can help you. For years I’ve been questioning my purpose. And, after years of some agonizing soul searching I finally learned a way to help me discover it, to gain clarity and certainty about it. I know now how good it feels to know what you’re meant for and specifically how your life makes a difference. And now I teach others the way and we can teach you too. The thing about purpose is when you have a strategy to help you find the thing that is just right for you, it can give you new levels of happiness and fulfillment to fire you up and set you loose, beyond what you thought was even possible!
And by the way, your purpose doesn’t have to be saving the world or the starving children (but if it is, hey that’s amazing too). It can be something that elevates the lives of those you come into contact with everyday, like friends, co-workers and your kids. It can also be over and above what you do for a living to feed your family. For instance, you could adopt a new purpose to be:
a positive influence on everyone you meet in your day
the brightest light in any room
a beacon of hope for others because you’ve been through some adversity and lived to show the way to others
Purpose can have just as much to do with WHO you are becoming as an empowered, healthy, happy and balanced women about to go into some of the best years of her life as it does with what you DO.
Just remember, you exist for a purpose and you will need a purpose to sustain you. Lack of purpose fosters depression and worse yet, the world will miss out on the unique gifts that only you can bring to it :)
xo,
Dr. Lynne