The Main Reason You’re Unhappy in Midlife

I’m a professional woman in my upper 40’s and I’ve made a career, along with my best friend and business partner, Dr. Brooke of helping women find more happiness and fulfillment in Midlife.

In my experience as a Coach for women in midlife, I’ve found that many of the problems we’re experiencing in life comes down to ONE, MAIN, simple but foundational concept.

When our current condition does not match the blueprint or the expectation we have for our life it creates unhappiness and dis-ease. In other words, when your expectation for how something SHOULD be doesn’t match where you currently ARE, you are very likely to be unhappy.

Take for example a woman who’s spent her whole life raising, nurturing and investing time in her family. Let’s call her Kelly. Like you perhaps, she’s grow up dreaming of marriage and having kids, even from a very young age. Frankly and likely unapologetically, she hasn’t given much thought to doing anything else her whole life.

But the day comes when her youngest is up and out of the house. The earth under her feet has shifted and she doesn’t quite feel like she’s standing on firm ground. What happens next, she asks?

Kelly has a couple of options here…

1) Spend time in Regrets, Pity and Blame- the lowest hanging fruit however possibly the most common reaction of humans when life suddenly changes in a way that we’re not exactly prepared for. It’s a gut reaction for many of us, to feel sorry for ourselves, even if only for the briefest of moments. Feeling sorry for ourselves can be cathartic and moving, in that we likely recognize - in light of the suffering that we’re experiencing- that there’s a gap requiring some action on our part. There’s no shame in having a pity party for one…only in extending the party much too long. Staying in pity is a tempting place. We may feel tempted to stay in our cocoon where we can lick our wounds and make it all about what isn’t going right but at some point you’ll have to come to terms with the fact that life is passing you by and if we choose to, we can rewrite the script if it’s not going as planned.

2) Change the Blueprint - If the current circumstance doesn’t match the blueprint (i.e. to be happy, one must be actively caring for their kids) consider updating your Blueprint. What if Kelly directed her energies into taking care of someone else in need. She’s obviously a gifted caretaker (something to be wildly proud of, by the way). New Blueprint: I’m happiest when I’m caring for others, even if it’s not my kids. What if Kelly redirected her energies into taking care of herself. New Blueprint: In order to be happy, I must actively care for myself OR Now is the time that I must care for myself so that I can continue to live a long life for my future family.

This is one example and maybe you don’t relate however consider this- we have Blueprints for all of our thoughts and beliefs. In times of difficulty, unhappiness and feeling stuck, it often isn’t enough to just try and manipulate our circumstances. We’e got to challenge and upgrade our beliefs. In doing so, we can find the fastest route to growth and new levels of happiness.

Deep thoughts,

xoxo Dr. Lynne