How Well Do You Recharge Your Batteries?
My husband and I recently returned from a trip to Louisville, KY. We were there with about 20 other couples, all good friends of ours whom we’ve developed close friendships and working relationships with over the years to attend the Kentucky Derby. My husband, an obvious and unwavering extrovert went into the next week totally energized and reinvigorated despite the plane travel and staying up later during the entire weekend (not to mention the endless Mint Juleps!) I, on the other hand, wanted to immediately retreat to my bedroom to spend at least the next 7 days alone.
My husband Mark, whom I’ve been married to for 20 years now, understands my persistent introversion and despite the lack of sleep and the weariness of travel, he pointed out that I wasn’t actually tired. Instead, he remarked, “You have a classic case of too much extroverting.” As much as I had loved spending that time with quality people who know and understand me, the sheer amount of time being around people with no down time had brought me to the edge of exhaustion.
Most people think of introverts as being shy, socially reserved types who prefer quiet environments in general and who avoid large crowds. Estimates are that between 30 to 50 percent of the population are introverts.
I resent and rebel against that introvert stereotype. In my opinion it’s a short-sighted broad generalization and it can lead to unfair misconceptions about who introverts are and what they are capable of!
The clearest, most accurate definition of an introvert is simply “a person who recharges their batteries by being alone.”
The important distinction being that introverts can do everything that extroverts can do- like enjoy large crowds of people, be effective in speaking in public, they may even like being the center of attention! Some of the best public speakers I know are actually introverted. Introverts can be extremely likable, approachable and fun. The variations amongst us introverts as I’ve just pointed out above can usually be explained by our life experiences. If your quiet, reserved, or shy ways were validated or encouraged by your parents or teachers you probably grew up feeling confident in yourself and appreciating your introverted ways. But, more commonly, many introverts were teased and/or encouraged to be more like their extroverted siblings or told to “break out of their shell.” If you’re an introvert and you had this experience, it’s possible you were left with some social anxiety or you’ve felt pressure at times to be something or someone that you are not.
The only requirement that unites all introverts is that they will need to spend time alone to counteract spending time with people whereas extroverts recharge their batteries and get energized by being with people. Other than that, there are no limits or restrictions on what introverts can do or the ways we contribute value to the world.
For my fellow introverts, I hope that this definition brings you some freedom to be your authentic self and a deeper appreciation of your introverted temperament like it did for me when I first studied this subject. Many of you who are reading this are likely in midlife and by this time in our life we’ve innately figured out some of these things about ourselves. Nevertheless, we do well to continue to seek as much awareness as we can about who we are, what we do well, how we are triggered, what our core desires are in life and of course, how we can intentionally see to it that our batteries are always sufficiently recharged.
Don’t forget as humans we have an innate need to feel connected to people so honor that by spending time often with quality people but explain to your loved ones that you require time alone afterward. Many of us are married to extroverts (the whole yin and yang thing on clear display) and since my husband didn’t understand at first my intrinsic needs for alone time, once I understood myself better I was able to explain to him why I sometimes just need to be alone so he doesn’t take that personally or feel alienated. Knowing this about each other and having those constructive conversations has helped our marriage one thousand percent.
And lastly, we all have dreams and sometimes those dreams require us to do things and show up in the world in the ways that may come harder for some introverts like posting on social media or speaking to a group. Have the courage to go after your dreams knowing with confidence that you can do it! Just be aware that your energy will need to be regenerated by spending as much time thinking or going inward as you spend being outward or in public.
As long as you can align yourself in that way, you can succeed :)
xo Dr. Lynne