Episode 57: The Spouse and Gifts Video
In this episode of Life after Kids with Drs. Brooke and Lynne we’re discussing how to navigate marriage in midife, with a focus on gift giving and feeling seen and loved on holidays and special occasions.
Whatever you do, don't tell our husbands we're talking about them! LOL
Here's the thing, it's the beginning of February and that means Valentine's Day is right around the corner. So we're going to let you in on a little secret. Our husbands are terrible gift givers. (It's ok. We're over it. They're good at other things!) But, we did get to thinking, surely we're not the only women with this issue, let's talk about it" And you guessed it, this week's episode of Life after Kids with Drs. Brooke and Lynne is all about spouses and gift giving! We're discussing ways that we've navigated the holidays and special occasions through the years so we feel special and our husbands don't feel stressed!
But listen, we're able to have this conversation only after years of ups and downs in the gift department. In the early years of marriage, we just smiled and pretended to love the present we were gifted. Then we got a little passive aggressive because we bottled our feelings up for too long. We didn't necessarily say anything, but our faces spoke volumes. Finally, we had outbursts after countless holidays and birthdays passed with us thinking, "what was he thinking", "does he even know me at all", "does he care about me?", "did he even bother to spend any time on this?" Naturally, the outbursts led to our husbands being frustrated, upset, and stressed because they were doing their best and most likely thinking "what exactly does she want from me?" and "She's never happy"
Maybe this sounds like a petty discussion to you. Perhaps we're coming off sounding a little spoiled. And yeah, we know that in the grand scheme of life there are far more important things to worry about. Still, for many of us, receiving a special gift is a way that we feel loved and seen. If your love language happens to be gift giving, like Dr. Lynne, it's even more important. So rather than ignoring the way we feel and hiding our emotions in a little corner of our heart just waiting to burst forth on one particularly hormonal day, we decided to share our feelings and come up with ways to navigate gift giving during holidays so we feel loved and our husbands are happy too. We've added a few more thoughts below.
Hallmark Movies have ruined us! Don't hold your husband to a romanticized ideal that is unattainable
In general, most men want their partner to be happy, they may just need a little help along the way
There are some things about your spouse you're never going to change. So, you either need to accept it and move on or work out strategies that will help you navigate the issue so both of you are happy.
Focus on looking at the whole picture of your spouse and all their positives, not just the things that bother you
The gift does not equal love, don't hold it in such high regard
If there's something about your spouse that's really bothering you, address it. Don't wait. Communicate with them in a kind and respectful manner. It's far better than bottling up your feelings and then blowing a gasket down the road
DISCLAIMER: we're talking about smaller issues here, this isn't a discussion on any type of abuse or betrayal
Remember that marriage is hard work, but it's worth it. And, a healthy relationship in which we feel seen and loved is an important part of living a fulfilled Life after Kids. Click the picture above to watch The Spouse and Gifts Video so you can learn more insight into navigating marriage during Valentine's Day and other special occasions. Trust us when we say that over the years, we've come up with practical ways to make the holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions joyful for all parties involved.