Episode 58: The Boundary Video

In this episode of Life after Kids with Drs. Brooke and Lynne we’re discussing the importance of boundaries in midlife as a form of self care. If women truly want to thrive in midlife, we must make ourselves a priority.

Are you a "yes" woman? A people pleaser?  If you struggle with BOUNDARIES then this conversation is for YOU!

Boundaries are the limits and rules you set for yourself within a relationship. Setting boundaries for yourself is the highest form of self care.  Last year at this time we talked to you about self care and self love.  Now we want to talk to you about setting boundaries.  With Valentine's week upon us, boundaries are one of the best ways you can show love to yourself.  And, in this week's episode of Life after Kids with Drs. Brooke and Lynne, we're discussing what boundaries are, why they're so important in this phase of life, and how to go about setting them.

Setting boundaries can be tricky, because what is healthy, safe, and good for you may come across to others as selfish.  You may hear that familiar voice in your head saying, "who do you think you are".  At this time in our life, we're coming off a season of taking care of our kids and our spouses while often putting our own needs last.  But now is the time to come into our own, to rediscover our self and reimagine our life.  To do that, we have to start making our needs a priority. Which means, we may need to have boundaries in place.  When setting a boundary, it may be helpful to follow these practical tips:

• Communicate in a kind and loving way.  Verbalize how you're feeling.

• Let the other party know it's nothing against them, it's for your own health and protection.

• Explain that you are not angry or mad, but simply keeping yourself safe and well.

• Journal before you have the conversation, so you're clear on what you want to say and what result you want

• If the person displays chronic, repetitive toxic behavior and they don't adhere to your boundaries, you may need to completely distance yourself from them.

Women often get the messaging that we always have to be there for people and give to others.  That's a good thing, until it start's to become harmful to our piece of mind.  Don't start the problem by over extending yourself and over committing.  Remember that when you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else because our time is limited.  You could be taking away from your family or something else you need to do.  More importantly, you could be saying no to yourself.  On, the other hand if you constantly say "no" and focus too much on yourself, it's easy to become selfish.  There's a fine line here.  As a general rule of thumb, if you're feeing resentful, tired, mad at yourself, or mad at other people, then you possibly have a boundary issue that you need to explore and examine.  Above all, don't be passive aggressive.  And, don't wait until you're ready to explode to put a boundary into place.  Learn even more about boundaries by clicking the picture above to watch this week's episode of Life after Kids with Drs. Brooke and Lynne, The Boundary Video

When you say yes to others, make sure you're not saying no to yourself.
-Paul Coelho